Two days ago sequel Fifty Shades Darker unveiled its first trailer and somehow managed to break the viewing record in 24hrs, besting Force Awakens. That’s right a film about a rich dull dude absorbing a shy innocent girl into his world of shockingly tame S&M beat the newest saga in the huge Star Wars franchise! What is happening in the world to cause such misery?!

Filmed back to back with the final chapter Fifty Shades Freed, the next installment looks once more to have stretched an entire film out of a ridiculously thin plot. I mean the fact E.L James got 3 books out of this concept is to be admired, less so her horrifically childish writing! Scripted by her husband (no nepotism here) and directed by James Foley (a solid choice) it couldn’t look anymore boring. Seemingly featuring an endless array of good looking people attending parties and looking miserable whilst doing it, plus a dash of listless sex. Dakota Johnson is a fine young actress and I hope she is using this endeavour to seek out better projects.

Tapping into that middle aged mum crowd that Hollywood tends to overlook surely resulted in $571million for the first film, and consequently the huge popularity of this new trailer. It had the potential to be akin to the erotic thrillers of the 80s/90s such as Basic Instinct or Fatal Attraction. Instead a flat script, an overlong running time and a dearth of any eroticism whatsoever left it flailing.

I will post here if any of you are so interested, I’m off to cry in a corner and lament the death of cinema!

Fifty Shades Darker opens February 9th 2017

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